If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The ass gains better be worth it
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