You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
