It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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