All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
