eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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