i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My sheets look like a crime scene.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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