I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
