A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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