I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
