Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
