Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Soap is not a condiment
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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