we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
