I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
