I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize