In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
