not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
