i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
