good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Im part way to drunk.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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