Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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