In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
