You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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