Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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