i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
