you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
