She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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