they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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