Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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