why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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