did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
