one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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