My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
