You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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