the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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