I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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