I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
