do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
