he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
