just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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