Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
