Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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