Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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