I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
