Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize