Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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