Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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