Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
