woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
