Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just pee around me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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