Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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