life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So much rum. So many feels.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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