and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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