i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
