I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
