I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
