I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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