textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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