Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he shaved USA in his pubs
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
