You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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