dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
