I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
