I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize