I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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