she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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