and you said cock pushups were impossible
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
