found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
