You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
