I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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