During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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