Define "chronic" masturbator.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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