all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
