don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
