I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
