I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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