I just saw a hot homeless man
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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