You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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