My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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